


his voice

by xxxtabix



Category: Big Bang (Band), GTOP (Band)
Genre: Accidental Coming Out, Cuddling, Established Relationship, Fluff and kinda Angst, Kinda canon compliant, M/M, Mention of Panic Attacks, Overthinking, Rollercoaster of Emotions, but also au-ish, cursing, i mean we want this to happen right, maybe not this way though, mention of anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:27:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26259409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxxtabix/pseuds/xxxtabix
Summary: This is not how Jiyong imagined their coming out.
Relationships: Choi Seunghyun | T.O.P./Kwon Jiyong | G-Dragon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61





	his voice

Jiyong’s eyes flutter open as he feels a soft paw patting his nose quite harshly.

“Yah, what the...” he mumbles and reaches for his one cat who proceeds to push against his cheek now, clearly in need for attention. It’s funny how Iye and Jiyong are so alike, demanding cuddles and food to survive a lazy Sunday.

And that’s probably the reason for this early morning assault, Jiyong figures and reaches up to run his fingers through the soft fur just beneath the cat’s chin.

“You know you don’t get any food before at least 9am,” he murmurs after a side glance to the clock showing barely 8am. On a Sunday morning.

Iye seems to ignore that statement thought because he keeps on pushingagainst Jiyong’s head with more force now but Jiyong is faster. He grabs the cat just beneath his belly and sets him down on the floor, earning a set of meows in protest.

All Jiyong can do is roll his eyes at his baby’s behaviour but at the same time he knows where he picked it up from. He watches his cat retreat out of the room and sighs, closing his eyes to let sleep overcome him once again.

The next time Jiyong wakes up, or rather startles awake, it’s to the sound of something breaking. His eyes snap open as he sees Iye and Joah both running into the bedroom, clearly trying to distance themselves from the broken shards laying somewhere in the hallway. Once they feel themselves into safe territory, Iye slowly looks around the doorway again, probably to get a proper look at the mess they just created. And then the cat’s head snaps back to the other feline, only to let his paw fall down onto his head. Joah lets out a meow of protest and returns the rude gesture and soon enough the both cats are rolling on the floor in a playful fight.

An amused smile appears on Jiyong’s lips. He had to hold in his laughter the whole time so he wouldn’t scare his babies even more. Slowly, he reaches for his phone. It’s early enough in the morning that he doesn’t spend too much time deciding if this brief idea he has will turn out to be a brilliant or a very bad one.

It all depends on the person that is now pressing against his back, with an arm draped over his waist and a leg pushed between his own, to keep on sleeping.

Biting his lip, Jiyong opens up his Instagram and without a second thought, he opens the story modus and starts a livestream, zooming in on his cats who have migrated in the doorway now, rolling around on the floor like one big furball.

His mentions explode within seconds and he faintly registers the colourful hearts flowing over his screen. He knew people would go crazy over this.

His fans are urging him to say something, asking if he had a good sleep and about his future plans but he ignores them. This isn’t a live for this kind of questions, he just wants to give VIPs a little bit of his current sight, a slight of life so to say. He wishes he could flip the camera to show off the man behind him, the _real_ sight, the way his face is always so relaxed when sleeping, the tiny snores Jiyong got so used to by now. But he knows he can’t and that makes him sigh quietly. It’s 2020 and this country has still a long way to go to fully accept people that don't fit into their weird concept of ‘being the norm’. Not that Jiyong has ever fit into a preformed box anyway.

Iye and Joah are still rolling around the floor and Jiyong leans forward, extends his arm to get closer and shifts when it happens.

The hold around his waist suddenly tightens and Jiyong is being pulled back into a strong chest. He lets out a small yelp and immediately slams a hand over his mouth. Fuck. His eyes flicker down to the comment section and he curses inside when he reads them.

 _w_ _ait did ya_ l _l_ _see this??_

 _j_ _iyong-o_ _ppa_ _what was that_

 _w_ _hat is happening_ _hahahahaha_

 _omg_ _is there someone with you???_

Of course, his fans would notice, sometimes they are better than the FBI and that shit can get scary pretty quickly. Jiyong did _not_ expect the other man to do this at all and he is about to end the live when he suddenly feels something hard press against the back of his thigh and then there is movement. A fucking _grindi_ _ng_ movement.

Jiyong is surprised he doesn’t moan out loud, thank God he still has his hand pressed tightly over his mouth.

But the grinding doesn’t stop, instead he can feel the other man shift behind him and it feels like he presses in even closer, wrapping around him like a blanket and fuck in any other moment Jiyong would’ve pushed his ass back in response to initiate a lazy morning fuck but he knows he is _fucking_ _dead_ if he would do that now.

He has to end this live. _Now._

Still holding his phone with one hand, Jiyong awkwardly shifts the device in his hand, his finger already hovering over the button-

“Hmm _Jiyong-ah,_ ” a deep voice, thick with sleep rumbles through the room and that’s when Jiyong loses the hold of his phone. It slips out of his hand and hits the carpet with a soft thud.

He was not expecting him to _talk fuck._

Slight panic starts to arise inside his mind and he blindly tries to reach over the edge of the bed to get his phone, this is bad, really bad. But the taller man behind him has other plans and tightens his grip around his waist. He rolls onto his back and pulls Jiyong with him, with Jiyong almost laying fully on top and Jiyong can’t help the small squeak that escapes his lips this time.

“Aish _Seunghyun_ ” he whispers, hopefully quiet enough for his phone not to register his words but he knows the power fangirls have. If they want to, they can enhance everything.

They are fucked. Literally.

And to Jiyong’s great dismay, Seunghyun doesn’t stop there either. Instead of laying still as a rock as he does almost all of the time, he starts to move with the smaller man, rolling him onto the other side, facing away from the doorway.

“ _Hyung,_ ” Jiyong whispers harshly and pats his arm, the panic is still there and the feeling of anxiety starts to build its way up little by little. Suddenly, many thoughts hit him at once, thoughts that make him overthink and panic even more. This will affect so many people close to him but also those who are not. His family, the other members of BIGBANG, the YG family, everyone will feel the consequences once the vulturous writers of dubious news sites on the internet find out about it and start to dig their claws into fresh meat, not caring about whether they ruin a life or not.

Jiyong hits Seunghyun’s arm more forcefully now which results into the other man jerking away and Jiyong manages to get out of his grip and crawling over him once more.

“Rude,” Seunghyun grumbles and blinks an eye open, still not fully awake. Jiyong stops in his movements and casts a look over his shoulder, his body half draped over the taller man, lips pressed into a thin line.

“Shut up,” he hisses and looks back over the edge of the bed, ready to grab his phone but it’s not there anymore. Jiyong pales instantly and scrambles to his knees, accidentally pushing against Seunghyun’s hard length quite forcefully while doing so.

And Seunghyun lets out a loud and painful moan.

“What the hell Jiyo- _hmpf_ _!_ ” he yelps but Jiyong is on him in a second, hand pressing over his mouth to silence him and once again he prays that wherever his phone may be right now – seriously where the fuck is it?! - is not able to properly record any of their conversation.

The chances are very small though.

“Please just for a minute be quiet,” Jiyong tries again, keeping his voice low as he looks into his lover’s eyes that gleam with confusion and pain. The silent question of ‘What the hell is going on?’ is hanging in the air and Jiyong sighs in frustration, this situation is so fucked up and he doesn’t know whether he should laugh or cry.

“I started a livestream, recording Iye and Joah to give the fans something to talk about but then _you_ had to wake up and play koala which is usually _my_ role and that made me drop my phone while it _was still recording_ and now I think Iye or Joah pushed it beneath the bed because it’s not beside the bed anymore and fuck hyung we are so fucked, we are dead, oh God what have I done I-”

The words start to spill out of Jiyong’s mouth and the more he rambles, the more he slumps back into Seunghyun’s arms, a sudden exhaustion crashing over him.

Seunghyun’s facial expression goes from confused to amused to soft and understanding in seconds before he silences the smaller man with a gentle kiss on the lips after he removes the hand pressed over his mouth.

“Shh hey take a deep breath now okay?” Seunghyun’s quiet voice fills Jiyong’s clouded mind and he inhales - feeling the older man’s hands glide over his thighs to the tattoos he got for a good reason – before he exhales again.

“Now get your phone and then come back here, it’s too early for this and I need 5 more minutes with my favourite cuddle object.”

The corners of Jiyong’s lips quirk up the playful tone and for a moment he forgets the fact that their careers could be over in a few minutes when fans were really able to identify Seunghyun as his partner in bed.

He crawls out of Seunghyun’s lap to the edge of his bed and reaches _under_ his bed this time, his fingers bumping into something soft and hisses. One of the cats apparently didn’t like that jab and decided to make their resentment known in the painful way.

When he finally is able to grab his phone, he is unsure what to do next though, which step would be _logical_. How should he end this live without any comment? With the front camera facing the ceiling? The brief thought of saying ‘fuck it all’ and give the viewers a glimpse of Seunghyun is crossing his mind but it’s gone as quickly as it came. It wouldn’t be fair to the other man who just woke up and who is alarmingly calm about this whole...situation.

Without any further ado, he brings the phone up to his face and hits the ‘end’ button, but not without getting one last glance at the comment section.

_I AM SURE I HEARD TOPS VOICE!!!_

Jiyong closes his eyes and lets the phone fall back onto the carpet, all the energy leaving his body anew before he feels warm hands glide over his stomach and chapped lips lingering in the nape of his neck.

A feeling of familiarity, an offer of comfort from a man who has never been good with words but with gestures and actions to let Jiyong’s upcoming panic attack die down in its core before it has the chance to fully crawl from within the depths of dark lands.

“I fucked up,” Jiyong whispers and he feels Seunghyun shake his head slightly.

“Jiyong.” His voice is smooth and soft, yet firm at the same time. “5 minutes. Lay with me like this for 5 minutes and then we can talk about what just happened. We both need those 5 minutes,” he says and Jiyong knows he’s right.

Those 5 minutes are the slowest Jiyong ever had to endure, his heart is still beating fast and he desperately wishes for the voices inside his head to stop screaming in jarring, accusing ways. Seunghyun’s fingers continue their soft ministrations on his bare skin, not slipping into any inappropriate areas to maintain the feeling of safety.

“The 5 minutes have passed,” Jiyong mumbles, “and I fucked up.”

Seunghyun doesn’t answer right away, just breathes against Jiyong’s neck in a calm way and Jiyong slowly but surely starts to get angry. It makes him nervous and unsure; he isn’t used to his lover to react like this, which is _not at all_. He’d rather have Seunghyun to agree with him, saying that he is disappointed and that he ruined their careers and that he doesn’t want to see him anymore and-

Inhale.

“Say something.”

Exhale.

“How sure are you that the people who watched your livestream even know about me,” he asks and Jiyong lets out a humourless laugh.

“I read the comments, they heard you. They probably recorded it, saved it and are now trying to enhance it to make sure it’s you they heard. I mean how can they not, it’s not like you have a feminine voice, I won’t be able to cover that up like I did before, I fucked up so badly and now everything is ruined, BIGBANG will disband and no one will cast you as an actor anymore and you will hate me and leave me and-”

“Jiyong, shut up.” Jiyong’s voice dies in his throat at his hyung’s brash voice.

This is it. It will happen now, that’s what he always feared the most, that he would fuck up and Seunghyun would leave him. Thoughts over thoughts are racing through his messed-up mind, most of them no longer coherent in any way.

“I can hear you thinking, stop it.” A pause. “We can’t change it now, it happened. If you want me to say it so badly then here you go: you fucked up Kwon Jiyong. But remember how many times I fucked up as well? And put our career, our relationship at risk?”

“That’s not the same, I basically outed us for real and-”

“And what? It was a matter of time wasn’t it? With all the speculation, with Mnet and all the other shit papers in our necks like vultures, only waiting for us to slip up. It could’ve been me who started this live and not you. And it me who couldn’t shut up in the first place wasn’t it,” Seunghyun says and Jiyong wants to cry because fuck he isn’t used to that, he isn’t used to Seunghyun being so rational, it is usually _him_ who has to convince the other man that everything will be fine, that they are okay.

He feels so small and helpless in the embrace of the man who is everything and more right in this moment.

“But-”

“No buts unless it’s your butt,” Seunghyun mutters and that does it for Jiyong, an ugly sob paired with a choked out laugh rambles out of the depths of his body, unable to control it. He turns in Seunghyun’s embrace and buries his face in the soft silk of the other’s pyjama, breathing in the familiar scent that fills his mind with _SeunghyunSeunghyunSeunghyun._

It always seems to work somehow.

“Must be shocking right, me saying all this,” Seunghyun suddenly says and all Jiyong can do is nod, fingers clenching and unclenching in unsystematically intervals.

“There is this wonderful man who always assured me that we can survive everything as long as we’re together. That a person alone is not made to carry a burden on their shoulders, that they need a second one they can share a part of that burden with. You have me, Jiyong. I am here and I am not going anywhere okay? We will face the consequences and we will get through this together, you and me. Your family, my family, the rest of the guys, they all will support us, you know them. Did they ever let us down? They accepted us with open arms and warm hearts, they won’t just leave now, they never did. And I won’t either, I promised you that, didn’t I?”

Seunghyun’s words are like a soothing rain soaking Jiyong’s soul and heart, giving his mind fresh energy and hope to get back up and stand strong and tall. And he knows his words are supposed to make him feel calmer and better but Jiyong can’t help but cry even harder now because honestly, how does he deserve someone like Choi Seunghyun?

“I don’t deserve you fuck,” he whimpers but Seunghyun only chuckles.

“That’s nonsense and you know that.”

There’s a short silence that follows after the initial confessions and reassurances, with Jiyong slowly calming down from his rollercoaster of wild thoughts and soon he is breathing normal again, with his eyes closed and Seunghyun’s heartbeat lulling him into a dizzy haze of sleepiness.

The buzz of a phone vibrating fears to destroy the peaceful atmosphere but Seunghyun is quick to intervene. He reaches for Jiyong’s phone first to turn it off before he does the same with his own and drops a kiss onto the smaller man’s forehead.

“I hereby extend those 5 more minutes for ourselves to another hour or so of cuddling,” he announces and Jiyong giggles, nose nuzzling into the soft skin of Seunghyun’s chest right where his pyjama top opens and nods.

“Sounds like a wonderful plan,” he mumbles.

It’s them against the world now – always has and always been. But he knows – no he is sure that they will be fine somehow, as long as they are together.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on twitter! x
> 
> fl0werxroad or xxxtabix


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